Fly On The Wall
by dave-d
Summary: War leaves wounds. So do traumatic experiences. Some never heal. Others give reason for hope.


_Another quickie…_

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The sound of glasses clinking together almost sounded like the echo of gunshots.

A large number of people filled the dark wooden bar area, the well-lit immaculate dining tables beyond that, and the glitzy dance floor with its retro-looking floor, filled with gyrating patrons.

Smoke trails rose up from glowing cigarettes. Together, they looked like a dark veil of death, the type that rose from a charred battlefield.

To Kaname, oddly dressed as she was, the room seemed many times more populated than it was, more claustrophobic, more distracting. There were moments when she felt as if she had awoken, only to find herself in one of the nine Circles of Dante's Hell.

She pulled the baseball cap tighter down on her forehead, hair tucked haphazardly inside. She pushed the dark znd concealing glasses higher up on her nose, and sat lower in her chair, the newly purchased long-coat bunching up on her chair and at her ankles. She took a pull on her obligatory cocktail, and snuck a small pair of opera glasses from her clutch purse for the umpteenth time.

A number of Security guards eyed her without her knowledge, wanting to make certain that she wasn't a domestic terrorist or someone recently escaped from a loony bin. No one wished for another cult movement like. Aum Shinrikyo. Shoko Asahara, had once carried out several assassinations and terrorist attacks using sarin, including the Matsumoto sarin attack and the more famous Tokyo subway sarin attack.

Her heartbeat pounded loudly in her ears. That natural sound was so distracting… so threatening… that she almost was thankful for the noisy tune that the DJ queued up next. Almost. She was _not_ a fan of Miley Cyrus.

_You don't understand what it is  
That makes me tick  
But you wish you did  
You always second guess, wonderin  
I say yes but you just lose out every time_

_If you only knew what I talked about  
When I'm with my friends just hangin out  
Then you'd have the inside scoop  
On what to say, what to do  
That way when you play the game  
Baby you can never lose_

"**Ah!"** Kaname jumped up some, almost coming to her feet. Someone had dropped a plate of food on the floor, and it sounded like an explosion, even against the loud music. Or, maybe because of that loud dreck. She put a hand to her wrist, and checked her pulse. It was racing. She quickly looked at the hands of every person in her sight, including those who sparkled and shined in the light of the overhead disco ball, and those who were harder to view, tucked away comfortably in the shadows. She let out a long breath. No one seemed to be holding a weapon.

Her breathing sped up again. There were always concealed weapons, right?

_Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall  
A creepy little sneaky little fly on the wall  
All my precious secrets, yeah  
You'd know them all  
Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall_

_You'd love to know, the things I do  
When I'm with my friends, and not with you  
You always second guess, wonderin  
There's other guys I'm flirting with  
You should know by now_

As uptight as she might be, and as jazzed by the surroundings, Kaname couldn't help but yawn… not once, but three times in lengthy succession. She was exhausted. She hadn't slept well in weeks. It would not be an exaggeration to say that she had suffered moments of emotional distress, many worse than those that she had felt in middle school, or in the days following her mother's death.

The stress had been suffocating at times, and she needed to find the truth out, once and for all.

_If you were my boyfriend, I'd be true to you  
If I make a promise, I'm comin thru  
Don't you wish that you could  
See me every second of the day  
That way you would have no doubt  
But baby, i would never stray_

_Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall  
A creepy little sneaky little fly on the wall  
All my precious secrets, yeah  
You'd know them all  
Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall_

"I can't believe I'm here," Kaname said, tasting her drink again, and making a face. "I can't believe I'm forced to _do_ this." No one was forcing her. She was a slave and a pawn to the obsessive feelings that occasionally served as her personal tempest in a teapot. "Why here? Why tonight?" She then thought 'where the hell_ is_ he,' once again. Glasses held up to her eyes, she scanned the surrounds. When she caught sight of him earlier in the day, he had been wearing his usual green shirt, green slacks, and black loafers. Those colors would not stand out much in the lighted areas, and would blend in with the décor and furniture in the darker zones.

He was so good at camouflage, even when he wasn't trying!

_A little communication  
That'll go all the way  
You're getting misinformation  
Too much hearsay, hearsay_

_And what I say is  
Come a little closer  
And what I'm gonna say is_

She lapsed into a sense of despair again, thinking back to her actions over the past few days. She had gotten into a large number of arguments with Sousuke, for a large number of different things. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, before any shoe fell at all. She felt abandoned, even when he was around. She felt guilty when she slammed the doors, but felt unheard or ignored unless she slammed a door or two… threw a pot on the floor… or left his clean clothing dumped on the floor outside of their bedroom.

He always replied; but, was he really listening to her? Did he even care?

_Don't You  
Don't You  
Don't You  
Don't you wish you were a?  
Hey!_

Sousuke had been gone long hours each day, but spoke little about his activities, merely telling her not to worry, and that he was alright. He had received calls on his private phone at different hours of the day, and usually sat by himself when he spoke to the caller, especially at the wee hours of the morning. He seemed more and more distant, day by day, as if he was finally growing tired of the arguments and the drama.

Or so it seemed to her, with her myopic view of her life, and the world in general.

_Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall__  
__A creepy little sneaky little fly on the wall__  
__All my precious secrets, yeah__  
__You'd know them all__  
__Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall_

The straw that broke the camel's back had been a single hair. One thin thread of platinum, that she found on his sleeve, before putting his shirt in the washing machine. He had put on a baffled look when confronted with it, saying he had no idea how it got there, even after she shoved it at his nose, the way some dog owner's shove shit up their prized pooch's sniffer. She had checked every piece of laundry for lipstick stains after that, her fears taunting her dammed-up up fury. Finding none, she nevertheless escalated the fight, finally gathering up a suitcase of clothing and leaving in the middle of a summer squall, intent on weathering her emotional storm at Kyouko's place.

She had skipped-out on college classes the last few days. Her assignments lay strewn across her best friend's dinner table and living room floor. She had worn the same clothing for three days, despite having the clean things she'd brought with her.

"**There!"** Kaname caught sight of Sousuke. _"There he is!" _She followed him with herb gaze as he walked, squeezing between groups of inebriated barflies and frightened looking wallflowers. He finally stood by one table a moment, checked the surrounding, almost looking in her direction. She ducked down, cursing. Could she find that same table again. Yes. It was that one. He was sitting there, now.

_With Tessa._

"**No!"** Kaname stood up, knocking her drink over. She took off her sunglasses and looked again without them, as if the vision had been a bit of dirt that had needed to be cleaned off, a dusty mirage. "I didn't really want to believe it." She felt a bit faint, before her anger buoyed her, giving her wings greater than any can of Red Bull ever could. **"Not her!** _Anyone but her!"_

"Are you alright, Miss?" A polite waiter checked to see if every6hing was copasetic.

"Does it _look _like it's fine," Kaname snapped, her heart already broken in two. "Well… _**does **_it…." She tossed the sunglasses hard against the floor. The opera glasses soon followed suit. Her breath came in ragged gasps, and her hands clenched and unclenched. She suddenly felt ashamed, seeing the polite young man walk off with an insulted and assuming look on his face.

_The shock struck her like a mallet strikes a gong. _

Her body and soul felt like they were vibrating so hard that they could shatter at any moment. Sousuke was cheating on her. He was cheating on her with that tiny tramp. Had she use the 'woe is me' lines on him, getting his sympathy after she lost her rank and her boat? Or, was it because the two of them were still military in heart and soul, if no longer in body.

_And she did not want to think about the things that those two bodies might be doing!_

She was not going to jump off a bridge. She was not going to pay someone to throw that little homewrecker off of a bridge. She was going to pack everything that Sousuke owned into a large cardboard box and leave it at his new home, under the nearest bridge. Tears flooded her eyes. She sat down hard, missing the chair, and slapping away hands that offered to help her back up. The world was swirling so fast, so fiercely.

_She just wanted to swirl down some big drain, never to be seen again._

"So," a voice said. "What does self pity taste like?" It was an elderly gentleman, holding a glass of Scotch on the rocks. "Better than this shit, I hope." She took a drink, looking like she was doing it to play a role, not satisfy a desire.

"_Who-"_ Kaname couldn't place the face. But, for a moment there, the voice had sounded familiar in some way. **"Just leave me alone!"** She had no time for drunken old men who wanted to hit on emotionally compromised young women.

"I can do that _now,"_ the man said, letting more of 'his' true tone and timbre show through. "I couldn't _before."_

"Huh?" Kaname took off the cap, finally having had enough of its feel. Her messed up hair fell down here and here, but stayed clumped there and there. "Who the hell _are_ you… some kind of stalker…."

"_Hmmm-mm-m,"_ the 'man' said, now in a woman's voice. "You must have felt that before a time or two, before that boy told you about me."

"**You!"** Kaname knew who it was now. It was Wraith! "Are you on this, too?" She waved her hand abruptly towards Sousuke's and Tessa's table. "Maybe you even helped bring them together." She didn't really believe nonsense like that, did she?

_Then again, she still couldn't believe what she had happened upon._

"I almost pity you," Wraith said. "The way you have been acting, a weaker man would have run into the arms or bed of a scheming woman. Not that the young lady is scheming in any way, shape, or form." There was a sound of razor-sharp steel in those words. "I can't say I approve entirely of the boy-" There was nonetheless a strong sound of approval there, and of respect and trust. "-But he has _always_ given things his best."

"I bet he's been saving _her_ his best," Kaname saidi ignoring everything that she'd just heard. "I've probably been getting sloppy seconds." She dragged her nails across the polished table top. "When I've been getting _anything_ at all."

"Are you surprised that he had been sleeping on the couch-" Wraith asked. "-Before you ran off and left him alone." She must have been observing them for some time, under whose orders Kaname couldn't guess, and for what purpose she couldn't fathom. _"I_ am the one who should be surprised. Why would _anyone_ put up with your behavior?"

"I-" Kaname had puffed up like a Death Adder, before deflating. "I've asked myself that more than once," she painfully admitted. "But now it's too late… I've lost him…." She sat upright suddenly, after Wraith stole someone's wateg glass unseen, and threw the contents in her face. Water dripped off of her, joining its brethren rolling off of the table in a small diminishing waterfall.

"**Idiot child!"** Warith said with some heat. "How did you survive your captivity?" She sat down. She downed her Scotch and swore in Korean. "You should have just shacked up with Leonard Testarossa. The world would have changed, and I might be a florist or baker somewhere. Idiot _idiot_ _**idiot."**_

"How am I such an idiot?" Kaname said, feeling the heat inside her grow again, as if tiny engineers in her mind threw logs onto the mental engine's fire. "Because I trusted him? Because it took me this long to find out the truth?"

"_Truth?"_ Wraith said. "You wouldn't know the truth if it was written in big letters on that menu." She tapped on the menu in question. "It would read: H…E… L…O… V… E… S… Y… O… U." On every page. On every line."

"But-" Kaname shook her head. How could she believe a spy, someone who deceived people for a living? "Alright. Since you know everything. Why is that big cheater here tonight… with her… the girl who has always been chasing after him…."

"Two reasons," Wraith answered. "No. Make that three. Number one…." She held up one finger. "He's been looking for advice. He has been asking people he trusts and thinks are bright, for ways to help you." She let that sink in, and then held up another finger. "Number two, they are meeting here, because the basement and sub-basement of this building are a safehouse. Who would look for a hidey-hole in a noisy and busy place like this?" She held up another finger. "Third. The ex-Captain has been trying her darnedest to get her hooks into him alright-" Having a small cruel streak, she paused for a bit. "-Not as a lover. But as a building block. The Americans have essentially paid for the Mithril blueprint, and are building the machine again. I don't mean Da Danaan or Arbalest or Laevatein precisely, but rather the entire organization. It fits their national motif, of course. And, they feel compelled, seeing that the Soviet Union is doing what it can to gather up shards of Amalgam."

"So he is planning on leaving me for her," Kaname said sadly. "Even if there is no romance involved…." It was her turn to pause. _"Yet."_

"Stupid ostrich," Wraith spat. "Take your big head out of the damned sand. He has refused her every time. He says that he does not want to become indispensable to a mercenary group again. He wants to be indispensable to a certain addlepated woman."

"Me?'' Kaname said in a plaintive voice, not feeling stupid asking such an obvious question. "I don't even know who me is any more. I mean, who_ I_ am any more." She stared that truth in the mirror every morning before flossing and brushing her teeth. Where had that other Kaname gone, the one who had gained so much good ground in her rebuilt life, before her BFF had been held hostage by Amalgam's agents as bait to lure Sousuke so they could kill him and find Kaname. Before Leonard had spirited her away, after leaving Arbalest ready for the scrap heap.

"Duh," Wraith said, signaling for a waiter. She chose her drink blindly, pointing her finger at the wine list without looking. She sighed when the blissful silence was replaced by noise. The DJ was spinning 'Face The Truth' by Ludacris. She was packing tonight and wondered if she would get into too much trouble if she put a bullet through the mixing console, the way that gangsters once put bullets in the jukebox.

_Yeah, can I ever really find a way to let go of you?__  
__I've been thinking about it every time that I'm in a booth__  
__Try to put together everything that we do__  
__Every step we take is away from the truth_

"Then…." Kaname searched for things to prove her point, to show that she had good reason to be suspicious. "Where has he been all of the time. Why does he keep leaving me at night? Tell me _that!"_

"He told you that he would support you, _didn't_ he?" Wraith said, less confrontational now. "He told you that he wanted to do it own his own… with his own two hands… not simply taking money out from the investments that he had made." By that, she meant the money that Sousuke had gotten as pay from Mithril, which he had placed in accounts recommended by the organization's best financial minds.

"How-" Kaname looked shaken, as if she had been paranoid in a very bad way, over something Sousuke had done heroically, in a very good way.

"He works multiple jobs," Wraith said. "Many multiples over time, since his… tendencies… are still there, even if they are slowly getting better. He has lost more jobs than I can keep track of… or has given up on them, when they did not seem a good fit…." She mentioned the JSDF, the Tokyo Metropolitan Police, a detective agency, a bodyguard service, a tax collection agency, construction jobs, the Harbor docks, a fish market, and the fast food industry. "And… as he has told you… you need quiet time at night for your studies…."

_What's the point of a relationship__  
__If every other day we gotta save that shit?__  
__It's gotta be love, thought we found it__  
__Ship has been sinking we both have been drowning__  
__All the hatred that we been allowing__  
__All the alcohol that we been downing__  
__Afraid to commit but afraid to let go I'm alone I can feel all the demons surrounding_

"**And this hair!"** Kaname actually had the hair in a Zip-Loc bag, so that she could compare it to the hair of any hussy she found Sousuke with. "How about _that!" _

_She had almost been duped! Wraith may have protected her once. But that once was gone._

"I'll tell you if you remain calm," Wraith said, doubtful. "By the color…" She held the hair up to the light, then with a move that would make a Magician jealous, she waved her hand and it was gone. "I would say that it came from my charge down below." Her job these days was to bodyguard Teletha Testarossa. She wasn't entirely happy being under American employment, but money was money, and doing what she did was better than going to work for some temp agency or becoming a stay-at-home mom.

"I'm remaining calm," Kaname said.

_It wasn't the easiest thing that she had done in her life._

"Every time they meet, she gives him a fond hug." Wraith reported. "It leaves him looking conflicted. It's kind of cute." 'Cute' was a word that she rarely used. She took out a cellphone and held it up.

_Been a while since I recognized__  
__Who I see when I look in my eyes__  
__Trying to breathe but the more that I try__  
__More that I suffocate dyin' inside__  
__Tried to be different we both tried to listen I'm sorry that I had to leave you behind_

"I-" Against her better judgment, Kaname nodded her head. She watched captured images, and smiled timidly when she saw the faces that her boyfriend made whenever he was hugged by his former Captain. "Yes… he_ can_ be cute… can't he…."

Wraith pushed a button on that phone, one that dialked a specific telephone number. If the room had been empty, the two of them could have heard the other phone ring. "Yes… it's me…. I'm in the bar area… you should find me now…." She didn't say precisely where, or why. She wasn't going to do the boy's work for him. She wasn't going to get paid any extra for this Dear Abby routine as it was.

"How's he going to know who you are?" Kaname asked.

"He's going to get himself slapped or punched," Wraith explained. "He usually pulls on people's noses, to see if they are real. He grabs hold of breasts, and even crotches. Sometimes, he goes right for cavity searches." She held a hand up to cover a grin. **"Gotcha! **You deserve that! You should try to be a little more observant." She pointed to the table top. There was a small coin there, with a large nick at the edge.

_All of the bitching was causing division I had to let go I was losing my mind__  
__Locked in a prison got lost in the vision of somehow believing that we would be fine__  
__Made the decision to leave this position and put all my pain in the faith of divine (faith of divine, faith of divine)_

_All we can take is one day at a time__  
__Be patient and open to seeing the signs__  
__Love is a war that you might not survive__  
__Happiness is what I hope you will find, when you feeling the vibe and you meet the right guy_

_Thought it was me, but it wasn't our time__  
__Still I'll love you till the day that I die (day that I die, day that I die)_

After some time and the process of elimination, Sousuke made his way to the table, not expecting to see two people there. Kaname had slipped back into her hat and glasses 'disguise,' coat pulled tightly around her, hiding behind the menu.

"Kaname?" Naturally, Sousuke was not surprised. He turned towards Wraith. "Is _she _the reason that you called me? He frowned when the woman stood up, retrieved her coin, and then disappeared into the sea of bodies. He turned back to his girlfriend… gently took away the menu… flipped off her hat… and pulled away the cracked sunglasses that she had retrieved and put back on. He looked down at the floor, barely able to make out the shape of the opera glasses. "Kaname… why are you here?"

"I-" Kaname began, eyes suddenly welling with tears. "You see-" She couldn't help herself. It was as if someone else had a small control box and was throwing the lever this way and that, throwing all of her emotions into turmoil. She shook and shivered. Her hands twitched. Tears streamed down her face. Her eyes looked pained.

"I'll have a soda," Sousuke told an inquiring waitress. "Any diet will do." He thought a moment. "Does the kitchen make milk shakes?" Kaname loved milkshakes. "Great. Vanilla. Make it the largest you have."

"I don't know what's wrong," came bursting out of Kaname's voice. She sounded more desperate thtn the most desperate woman on earth, and more frantic that the most frantic person who had ever walked the face of the good green earth. "I feel like somebody's hi-jacked my body." That was a very bad choice of words, of course, seeing what her history was. "Might it still be…."

_A horrid thought assailed her._

"I do _not _think that it is Sophia," Sousuke guessed correctly. "The tests showed no indication of that." Kaname… like every other Whispered person who had volunteered to come forth… had been subjected to numerous scientific tests. Some were tested by one-time stalwarts of Mithril who were looking to see if a door had finally been closed. Those tested in the hidden labs of the Soviet Union were seen as spare lumber to create new doors and keys to open them.

"Then I must be going crazy…." Kaname worried about that, but didn't really think it was a real possibility. She had been through so much before meeting Sousuke, and was saner than many people that she met theses days.

"In a sense," Sousuke replied calmly, concerned.

"**What?"** Kaname made a face, some fire coming back to her voice_. "That's a cruel joke."_

"I am _not_ joking," Soiusuke replied. "The problems that you have been facing can be caused by mental illness, but have secondary causes as well. Those make more sense in your situation."

The DJ put on 'Hope For The Future' by Paul MacCartney. Some people in the crowd booed, but new couples joined the dance.

_Some hope for the future  
Some wait for the call  
To say that the days ahead  
Will be the best of all_

_We will build bridges  
Up to the sky  
Heavenly lights surrounding  
You and I_

_From out of the darkness  
Our future will come  
If we leave the past behind  
We'll fly beyond the sun_

_We'll be together  
Sharing the load  
Watching in wonder as our lives unfold_

"Sousuke?" Kaname felt as if a spotlight was being shined on her, and as if she stood naked in the middle of the room. "Thank you," she told the waitress. She nook a straw out of its paper wrapper and stuck it down into her shake a little too firmly. The end bent. But, it still worked. Fighting to draw the heavenly drink up the straw for a while, she sighed a happy sigh when the first taste hit her tongue. _"Mmmm-mmm-mm-m."_

Sousuke watched her closely for a while, smiling when he saw her close her eyes in a mini state of ecstasy for a few moments. When he saw the troubled look return, he resumed his long-winded but useful explanation. "I thinking we are talking hypervigilance versus paranoia. PTSD versus mental illness."

"Really?" Kaname said with a harrumph._ "Doctor _Sagara…."

"I am a Specialist," Sousuke said. "But not _that_ kind. But… as you must guess… I have visited many of them over the years. Mithril had numerous experts at their beck and call. I have spent a lot of hours on a couch."

_Hope for the future  
It's coming soon enough  
How much can we achieve?  
Hope for the future  
It will belong to us  
If we believe  
If we believe_

_Hope shines brightest in the dark  
When nothing's ever seen  
Lighting undiscovered places  
No-ones ever been_

"Yes," Kaname said, feeling a bit childish. "I know. Sorry." She fought with her drink a bit more.

_Hope for the future  
Hope for the future  
Hope for the future_

"I will explain things how they have been explained to me…." Sousuke said. "…Recently during my searching, and previously during my sessions." He organized his thoughts some, and then said:_ "_Hypervigilance is a state of heightened alertness accompanied by behavior that aims to prevent danger. People may mistake hypervigilance for paranoia, as a person experiencing hypervigilance may exhibit some behavior that seems paranoid. However, there are differences between these hypervigilance can enable people to access the right sort of help and better manage their symptoms."

"I'd be in for _that,"_ Kaname said softly.

"People experiencing hypervigilance are unusually sensitive to the environment and people around them," Sousuke said. "It is not a condition in itself, but a way of behaving that may be caused by trauma or an underlying mental health problem. When someone experiences hypervigilance, their subconscious is constantly anticipating danger. As a result, their senses are on high alert, ready to spot and respond to any danger."

"It sounds like someone that looks a whole lot like _you_ is hypervigilant, Sousuke." Kaname said.

"There is truth in that," Sousuke said. "You wanted us to get His and Her bath towels. _This_ is more personal."

"-" Kaname felt bad, joking the way that she had.

"The situations they are trying to spot might be a physical danger… a repeat of a traumatic event… something wrong in a relationship… things like that," Sousuke said. "This super alertness makes people with hypervigilance feel and act as though there is always a threat around the corner."

_Some hope for the future  
Some wait for the call  
To say that our destiny  
Will be the best of all_

_And we will build bridges  
Up to the sky  
And heavenly lights  
Surrounding you and I_

_Hope shines brightest in the dark  
Where nothing's ever seen  
Lighting undiscovered places  
No-one's ever been_

"Back in the good old days-" Kaname replied. "-There really was a threat around every corner.

_Hope for the future  
Hope for the future  
Hope for the future_

"Normally, people with hypervigilance are not responding to a real threat." Sousuke expounded. "Rather, their brain is overanalyzing, and overreacting to, input from their senses. As I mentioned before… and your comment alluded to… hypervigilance can be a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder. The same can hold for severe anxiety and other mental health conditions."

"How-" Kaname couldn't say that her motivation was interest. She felt a need to know. "How does it differ from paranoia? I mean… looking back… I feel like I have been very paranoid. Maybe I'm some kind of annoying nutjob." She knocked her noggin with one hand.

"There is a difference between being delusional and being on guard," Sousuke said. He had tried to explain that to her back in his early days at Jindai High. She wasn't buying it then. "In paranoia, people hold specific, untrue beliefs that certain people or things are out to get them. People experiencing hypervigilance do not have any fixed beliefs about a specific thing happening, however. They are just on high alert."

"I see," Kaname said.

"In paranoia, people have a delusional belief that someone or something is trying to harm them now, in the present." Sousuke added. "In hypervigilance, people are on guard in anticipation of something bad happening in the future."

"I-" Kaname had been about to say 'I hope we both still _have_ a future.' A future together, that is. But, she couldn't get those possibly painful words out. "We-"

"In paranoia, people will not be aware that they are suffering from an illness and may believe that their delusions are true," Sousuke continued. "In hypervigilance, people often have an awareness that there is no objective reason to be on edge, but find it hard to relax nonetheless."

"I would say that's a winner," Kaname said. "I think they _all_ are. There has to be some kind of physical stuff, too. _Doesn't _there? I mean-" She didn't want to hinge her future hopes and dreads on moonbeams and cosmic rays. She wanted something concrete that she could put stock in. "Is this just some theory?"

"There are some physical symptoms of hypervigilance, but most symptoms are behavioral." Sousuke relayed what he had been told, and what he had read. "The physical signs and behaviors that people experiencing hypervigilance may show include dilated pupils… breathing very quickly… seeming restless… sweating… and having a rapid heart beat. I have noted all of those in you."

Kaname just nodded her head. The first step in correcting any problem was determining what the problem might be. But, there was the problem with _her,_ and the problem with _their relationship._ While not one in the same, they were certainly related, one way or another. She closed her eyes, trying to convince herself that there was hope right around the corner.

"The way a person behaves when they are experiencing hypervigilance can vary." Sousuke remarked. "However, there are some common types of behavior that often occur. People experiencing hypervigilance may keep checking their surroundings and find it hard to focus on conversations…be easily startled and jump or scream at things they hear or see suddenly… overreact to things happening around them in a way that may seem hostile…find crowded or noisy environments overwhelming…look closely at people to see if they are holding weapons… overanalyze situations and believe them to be worse than they are… overestimate the chances of a bad thing happening to them physically or in their relationships… be overly sensitive to people's tone or expressions, taking them personally…have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep."

"Check…" Kaname said, going down a mental checklist. "Check… check… check…." She had to stop. "Oh… sorry… I didn't mean _you,_ Ma'am." An older serving woman started to reach for a tab for Kaname to pay. "That certainly sounds like someone we both know." She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "All of that can have long term complications, _right?"_ She thought an unkind thought that she immediately chased away:

'_I don't want to end up like Sousuke.'_

"Affirmative," Sousuke responded. "The way that people with hypervigilance behave, they can develop obsessive behavior patterns… physical and mental exhaustion… difficulty in relationships…." He reached over and squeezed Kaname's nearest hand hard. The look he gave her was so tender, it brought tears to her eyes. "There can be problems in the workplace and their might be avoidance of social situations."

"Is there a c-c-c-" Kaname had to clear her throat. "Cure?" She squeezed back on Sousuke's hand, hoping for a positive reply.

"There are treatments," Sousuke said, not wanting to make any kind of promises, or give false hope. "One thing that is important, is to learn about possible triggers, and to employ strategies to combat them."

"Triggers, Sousuke?" Kaname felt a slight rise in spirit She was not being nasty or bossy. She felt like playing along some, for the first time in a good while. _"Strategies__**? Combat?"**_

"Uhhh-hh-h." Sousuke looked a bit concerned, as if he realized that he had placed his weight on the trigger plate for a land mine, knowing that any release of pressure would result in a fatal explosion.

"It's okay," Kaname said, flashing Sousuke a peace sign. "What are some of the triggers?" She looked sadly at the bottom of her glass. The milkshake was gone. But, judging by the swell in her tummy, that was a good thing. If there had been more, _she_ might be the thing that exploded. She pressed two fingers firmly on her lips, and defeated a billowing belch.

"Common triggers include the following," Sousuke said holding up one finger at a time. "Feeling claustrophobic… crowded environments… uncertain situations… reminders of past trauma… arguments and shouting… criticism or embarrassment… competing demands or expectations… chaotic behavior by others… feeling as if they have been abandoned… feeling or anticipating pain…. Let me borrow one of your fingers, please." He pulled one of her fingers up gently. "Being emotionally distressed."

"Well, it was certainly a great idea to come here tonight!" Kaname griped. But, she thought that she had been fortunate, indeed. Meeting Wraith would probably seem like a godsend tomorrow. Speaking with Sousuke… breaking the ice and trying to clear the air… would be just as important.

"The first step in treatment if a person experiences hypervigilance due to forms of violence or military combat, is to remove them from the dangerous environment." Sousuke replied. "That was done when you returned to Tokyo, after Leonard's plans were foiled and a change in the world averted. If there is an underlying component of PTSD or anxiety, those can be treated with medicine. If there is any associated mental health condition, those can be affected by therapy." He thought a moment, collating the things that he had learned. "There may be useful ways to manage hypervigilance, too."

"What ways?" Kaname asked. Hope felt like a tiny seed planted behind her breasts.

"The following techniques are among those that can help," Sousuke said. Once again feeling like a walking textbook. He did the finger routine again. "Relaxation: Deep breathing exercises or yoga may aid relaxation and help reduce anxiety so that you can better manage your symptoms… Exercise: Regular will release endorphins, which may help reduce anxiety… Mindfulness: Being mindful of how you are feeling and focusing on the moment may help you monitor and reduce your hypervigilant behavior…Communication: Expressing how you are feeling to others and being willing to accept feedback about times you may have overreacted can be helpful…Objectivity: Looking for objective evidence, as to whether there is a need to be so on guard, may help you monitor your hypervigilant behavior."

"It seems like so much," Kaname said, almost breathless after taking it all in. Nonetheless, she had decided. She was prepared to fight. She _was,_ after all, Kaname Chidori. Nothing could hold her down forever, _right?_ But, she also felt a sudden surge of guilt and remorse. She had always been wondering about what Sousuke might have been doing. She was all too aware now of what _she_ had been doing. "And… I…" She began to tear up again. "I have done so much. To you. And to _us."_ That last word felt like the button that would launch a nuclear missile. She felt that the target designation was the GPS location of her heart and his.

"Big hearts can forgive a lot, right." Sousuke poked Kaname in the chest, directly between each breast. "Someone forgave all of my early transgressions." He cocked his head, reminiscing. The events in question really weren't all that long ago… and had transpired not too far away from where they sat now… but they seemed so far away, somehow. "Bringing guns and explosives to school… destroying _Papier_-_mâché _busts made for class… trapping fellow classmates in Art Class…."

"Yes," Kaname agreed. She hid a grin behind one hand. "But _you_ don't have a heart."

Sousuke didn't say a word. He just raised one eyebrow.

"You weren't issued one. But like the Tin Woodsman…." Kaname said, seriously. "…You have a soul bigger than anyone else on the planet." She pursed her lips, declining the option to follow another analogy. Sousuke himself was almost like the heart of the Tin Woodsman… at least he _had _been… while piloting Mithrils most sophisticated Arm Slaves. Her voice cracked, suddenly. "I think you're going to need it. That big soul, I mean"

"Kaname?" Sousuke said, pretty certain that he knew what his beau must be thinking, and what recriminations she must be drowning in.

"I've treated you so badly, Sousuke." Kaname hung her head. She grabbed her coat tightly, almost breaking a fingernail. The next words just poured out, sprung by her deepest fear. "Maybe you would be better off without me."

"Maybe I would be better off _**dead,"**_ Sousuke said with a stern voice. He meant to nip things in the bud quickly and effectively. He nodded when he saw her freeze, and her eyes grow large. "I may make a lot of mistakes," he offered. "And at times those errors may cause you grief." He held a hand up, silencing her. "But… one thing that was _not_ a mistake… was my mission to bring you home. I would do that again, if I had to. As many times as I had to." His voice grew thick. "Today... after all that has happened since that time… I _would_ die for you."

Kaname brought both hands to her mouth. She felt as if she would explode into tears, but the tears did not come.

"I never knew my family," Sousuke remarked. "But… sitting here tonight… I know that _you_ are my family. I would no more want to lose you than you might want to lose your father or Ayame…." He looked her in the eyes. "…Any more than you wanted to lose your mother." He held his hands apart, only partly apologizing for using that last comparison. At times he had dreamed about their personal family of two growing in the future, but now was not the time to offer up that tidbit.

"I love you, Sousuke." Kaname just blurted that out, cursing herself. It didn't sound heartfelt or romantic at all.

"And I, you." Sousuke replied honestly. For a while after that, the two sat silent in a room filled with such din and dissonance. "I believe I know the first step in your therapy," he said somewhat later.

"_Oh?"_ Kaname sounded curious, if somewhat doubtful. She could say a lot with one word.

"Dancing," Sousuke said simply.

"Dancing?" Kaname looked incredulous. **"Sousuke!** _Dancing?"_ She frowned. "Who are you… and what have you done with my Sousuke? You don't know how to dance. You _hate_ to dance. We've come to this crossroads before!" Indeed they had. She had long wished that the two of them might take up ballroom dancing, or at least dance together in romantic cabarets and clubs.

"I have two left feet," Sousuke freely admitted. "Your recent problems have left you with two left brains. We are equally handicapped." He stood up and offered her his hand. "That is _not _a problem. Dancing offers many of the techniques. It can be relaxing, and it can conversely offer exercise. It will give you a chance to be mindful, focusing on your body movements. It will give us a chance to work on our nonverbal communications, or provide opportunity for you to spill out your feelings. But, we will not need to be concerned about objectivity, or being on the look out."

"Right," Kaname quipped. "Anyone valuing their toes will be the ones who should be on the lookout.

"-" Sousuke opened his mouth, but said nothing. He smiled. The fact that Kaname told a joke like that, without looking sad or self-incriminating, was a good sign. Like in dance, one step at a time. He led her towards the dance floor, looking forward to experiencing something new with her, something personal.

"What?" Kaname saw a crafty look on Sousuke's face. "What were you thinking, mister?"

"Nothing important," Sousuke said, in a way that fanned the flames.

"_Sousss-ss-s_kay…" Kaname had that look on her face. She had a shout, and she knew how to use it.

"Oh… it's nothing really…." Sousuke had crossed minefields before,on any number of occasions. "I was just thinking… if _you_ don't want to dance with me, perhaps Tessa might…." He began jumping up on one leg. Kaaname had kicked him hard in the ankle by reflex.

_She did not find his joke funny, not in the slightest._

"Stop pretending to be a Pogo stick," Kaname said. "You're a Specialist, right? You're embarrassing us." No one in the room was paying them any attention. They were standing at the edge of the dancefloor now, but she didn't feel like she could cross the invisible barrier.

"Kaname?" Sousuke asked, concerned. "Is there a problem. Did that kick hurt your foot?"

White shirt now red, my bloody nose  
Sleeping, you're on your tippy toes  
Creeping around like no one knows  
Think you're so criminal  
Bruises, on both my knees for you  
Don't say thank you or please  
I do what I want when I'm wanting to  
My soul? So cynical

"It _could_ have!" Kaname said. "Since you're harder than granite!" She shook her head. "I can't dance to this beat." 'Bad Guy' by Billie Eilish was playing loudly enough to drown out a jet engine. "I would like to slow dance. It would be nice if they played some songs for that."

So you're a tough guy  
Like it really rough guy  
Just can't get enough guy  
Chest always so puffed guy  
I'm that bad type  
Make your mama sad type  
Make your girlfriend mad tight  
Might seduce your dad type  
I'm the bad guy, duh

Kaname looked mournful, doubting that the DJ even had anything soft or seductive. The current song did _not_ fit their mood or their relationship.

"It's not a problem," Sousuke said. He took out a gun that he had been concealing. "I will have a conversation with the music man." He looked at Kaname quizzically. He expected her to shout at him and tell him to put the gun away.

"You're wonderful, Sousuke." Kaname's heart was in her eyes. "I'll thank you later."

"Kaname?" Souske checked to make certain that there were rubber bullets loaded. He was pretty certain that he had switched out the hollow points. Better safe than sorry.

"Tonight… when we both go home… maybe we can practice some new dance moves…" She licked her lips. "Under the covers."

_Sousuke dropped the gun._

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